10 rules to dating my daughter

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Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.I walked down, opened the gate with my german shepard next to me looking real hard at him.I then proceded to open the hood of his truck and rip his horn wires out and gave them to him, along with instructions on how to get back to the hi-way.Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. I really like the part about I have a shotgun, a shovel and five acres out back of the house.   Oh, here in North Idaho many practice the three S's:   You know, shoot, shovel and shut-up!

10 rules to dating my daughter-3710 rules to dating my daughter-4510 rules to dating my daughter-5

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been.Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.   I sincerely doubt that the three S's would need ever be discussed with anyone they would bring to the house...

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