Best ever online dating profiles

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I’m here to [hedge and say you want to meet new people], and I’d love to [flirtatious invitation].” C’mon, guys, you’re more than the sum of your Netflix queue! To give you some idea of how it’s done — and how it should never ever be done — we’ve compiled the 13 all-time funniest dating profiles out there.

These side-splitting online profiles can be witty, crazy, or just plain stupid, but at least they’re memorable. A lot of guys paint a picture of their ideal date — dinner, movie, makeout session, etc.

Probably best to avoid depicting yourself as a psycho stalker if you want people to message you. First, you have the picture, which is nothing short of epic.

He’s decked out in armor and has a long sword slung casually over his shoulder as he looks off to the side, as if to say, “I’m too cool to look directly at the camera.” Evidence suggests this type of photo is very attractive to online daters.

“I pull out a bag of marshmallows and I go, ‘No, I knew this was gonna happen.’ And then I kiss you.

of singles crawl dating sites and apps, flipping through photos and profiles of potential matches. Here at WIRED, we couldn’t help but think there might be a better way to optimize your chances, so we pulled massive amounts of data from Ok Cupid and Match.com, searching for tips that might help you master Internet dating and find someone awesome.

Finding a date, let alone love, just isn’t easy—even though there are plenty of apps for that.

Rosefacekillahh, from Melbourne, Australia, warns online daters that she’s “not down to earth at all” in her Ok Cupid profile’s self-summary.

Then she explains in vivid detail what will happen if you don’t answer her texts.

According to Ok Cupid’s data crunchers, “Men’s photos are most effective when they look away from the camera and don’t smile.” And then there’s his one-sentence About section: “I’m banking on your standards being a lot lower than mine.” Playful, self-deprecating, and original.

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