They are very impulsive; volatile moods and angry outbursts are the norm; deficits in social perception and social skills become even more apparent when disappointments occur.
Plus co-occurring disorders such as substance and eating disturbances, reckless spending and mood disorders add to the emotional burden.
The film Fatal Attraction (quite an excellent performance by Glenn Close) and the recent court case of Jodi Arias come to mind.
What do all the films and print stories have in common? Dating a person with BPD is not part of your deal – or so you thought.
Nevertheless the healthy mate wonders, “Why are we on these constant roller coaster rides?
” Sooner rather than later he starts to resent walking on eggshells around his lover.
Jodi Arias – in my opinion, – a good example of a woman with quiet BPD (she functions superficially well but her chameleon-like façade breaks open once her relational views are challenged) murdered her ex-boyfriend Travis Alexander; Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction attempted to murder her former lover but failed and found her own death.
She will relentlessly reach out and obsessively try to reestablish the broken bond if the healthy mate decides to break up with her.
Remember you cannot make somebody happy – happiness is an inside job! My German grandmother used to say, “ Hope is the last to die.” Yes, certainly there is always hope yet – baseline behavior aka normalcy as you and experience it is a long hike away for people with BPD.
This contributes to the feeling of being emotionally drained in a partnership. The good news is that once in our thirties our energy level decreases naturally and hence even individuals with BPD will have less vigor at their disposal.
Constant feelings of emptiness prompt her to seek stimulation from the outside.
The partner becomes the main outlet for her entertainment, self-respect, or self-loathing – an overwhelming job to handle!
As Marsha Linehan (1993), one of the foremost researchers in the treatment of BPD proclaims in her book Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder over 70% of patients with BPD present with histories of childhood sexual abuse.