“Create a friendly debate about something that you read about in their profile,” says Roman Griffen, author of .
“If a woman loves 80s music, tell her you used to like Duran Duran but think a certain song by them stinks.” Of course, this is a risky strategy, and it’s always possible that what you think of as gentle fun may wind up offending someone.
“It shows you read the profile and invites the person to respond and tell you more about that aspect.” But rather than bombarding a potential match with questions, this basic format lets you get personal without going overboard.
Also, know that women get complimented on their pictures all the time—both our experts and users say it’s more effective when a guy says he was taken with something non-physical, like the way she writes or another attribute that was obvious through her profile.
Again, you'd think these things would go without saying.
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One guy mentioned that he’d traveled the world, and since that’s always been a dream of mine, I had to hear all about it.Talking about yourself, at this point, should be limited, and related to the person you're interested in.**Bonus advice: Never, for the love of god, describe yourself (whether in your profile, or in messages) as a "kick-ass" ANYTHING. A few years back, the OKCupid blog posted a really helpful index of what kinds of messages get responses — and which ones don't.Let me tell you, nobody on that site is reading it. There's lots of good stuff here — write using real words and real sentences; don't compliment their looks up front; bring up specific interests.“Before you get to know one another, cleverness can come off as sarcastic,” warns Judsen Culbreth, author of .“It’s better to project warmth.” To figure out if your email is coming across as genuine, try reading it out loud.You might as well find out right away if your senses of humor* line up.*Bonus advice: Please don't just write "I have a good sense of humor" and expect everyone to believe you. It's good to express enthusiasm for shared interests, but don't make them up, and don't be weird about it.