It is possible that this man does have very strong feelings for you, but even if he feels like he is in love with you, he is not willing to treat you lovingly by your standards. I know you asked for a Muslim’s take on this issue, and I mention religion very little because what you need to understand is that this has nothing to do with religion.
He’s got priorities that outrank you, and continuing this relationship will be a constant struggle between his family, his culture, and/or his religious views and you. This is a universal truth, or at least universal enough to respect it as a rule, acknowledging that there are occasional exceptions.
I am not a Muslim woman though I have much respect for the faith.
For the past 9 months or so I have been dating a dear man from Libya who is here for school on a scholarship.
Someone who cares about you won’t keep you a secret. In fact, it’s clear to me that you know all that you need to know, you just want someone to affirm it for you. This situation is so common that over the nearly 2 decades of my life as an adult Muslim, it’s almost become cliché. You will lose more often than you win and for every hard-won, heart-wrenching victory born from arguments, tears, anger, lust, and love, there will be a million small and large losses that rob you of your self-respect.
I don’t say this to hurt you, but I need to my words to pierce through any illusions you may be swaddling yourself in. When your illusions stop swaddling, and start choking you, and you finally have the strength to end it, you’ll be left half the woman you are now. Leave now while it hurts a little and you still have some dignity.
Don’t delude yourself into thinking you’re an exception.
Here’s the truth, a man on the path to commitment doesn’t hide his beloved from his friends and family.
However, what just happened a couple hours ago brought our true situation very present to me.He is so liberal in so many ways but I’m very uncomfortable being a secret when we have professed such deep love for each other…and he’s not just saying it, it’s true for him.But he doesn’t know what will happen with his country and situation, so I understand that too. I am beginning to realize that this love may be an impossible hope for me…and maybe there are aspects of his faith that limit him too much to even consider a longer term, more serious relationship, no matter how liberal he seems.But your case is different: you have dated this person for 9 month, you are 41, and you have a desire for a serious relationship that may involve having children.I recommend you sit with your partner as soon as you can and ask about his commitment. Tell him how you feel by the fact that so few of his friends know about your relationship and how anxious you fell over the direction/uncertainty of your relationship.I do believe it is possible for a non-Muslim and a Muslim to be together.